IC Inbox (Carvaka)

[axecop]

For in-character private contact in carvaka only. Voice, video, text available.

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[poisoninmypocket]

I am right. [There's no 'probably' about it. Slowly, Monty lets go of Joseph, satisfied that he's been moved by some emotion, as least. He doesn't let go entirely, though, one hand staying firm on his back, then moving up to the detective's shoulder to squeeze gently.]

If you can't have faith in yourself, then trust what others might say of you. Sebastian held nothing but admiration for you. So the same might be said of me and the other people you've let close.

[axecop]

[It should be as simple as that, shouldn't it? And isn't that what he's always done? Joseph has always been so hard on himself. Always unable to believe in his own abilities, or to believe that he had really done his best. Always depending on Sebastian's feedback and encouragement and belief in him.

There's a gaping hole in his life with Sebastian gone, but can't he listen to other people, too? Clara and Monty both think he has it all together. Others probably do too. Can't he let that prop him up for now?]

I've always looked stronger than I am. But you've seen through me before. I can't handle the thought that others might too.

But it's hard, always putting on a show for everyone else. For my own sake.

[poisoninmypocket]

Joseph... I grew up in a slum. My mother was a laundress. I've murdered people for revenge. [It's blunt, but it's almost freeing to admit all of that at once.] And yet, I'd still like everyone to see me as a gentleman, and I'd like them to know that I can be kind and generous and everything my family was not. Please know you are not the only one putting on a show. Nor are you the only one who frets that he'll be seen through so easily. I think you might be surprised by the number of people who wear their masks, trying to put out that they're stronger than they are.

The best you can do is keep trying. And fall back on those who would support you and raise you to where you wish to be when you don't quite make it. There's no shame in taking strength from another when you're willing to give it so easily.

[axecop]

[Oh, right. Monty does know exactly how it is, doesn't he? Let it be a testament to how scattered and off-center Joseph is that even something he knows to be true sounds profound and surprising.

He would argue that he shouldn't need to take strength from other people, when it's his duty to be the strength FOR other people. What else is his badge a symbol of? But of course, that would lead the argument right back in on itself, so he'll keep from admitting that out loud just yet.]

I suppose there's nothing else to do.

[poisoninmypocket]

There's lying down in defeat. [It is an option, after all.] But I don't think you're that sort of man.

[axecop]

I don't think anyone decides to be that sort of man. [It just kind of happens.]

[poisoninmypocket]

[Joseph, you're talking to someone whose main motivation is and has always been 'I will not become that sort of man.'] But they can decide not to become that, especially when others won't let them.