[As Seb gets more frustrated, Joseph looks more confused. Then at the end there, dismayed. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?]
What do you mean by that? [He manages to ask very evenly, despite how ruffled he looks.] I was- I don't know if you even noticed, Seb, but I wasn't exactly upset watching you. Or after that when I-
[Yeah, he should probably be honest, but that bit of honesty feels a little too honest. Because now he's turning pink.]
I just- I can't believe it never came up but it's true, I guess I never told you that I'm-- bisexual. I'm sorry. I don't want you to think I'm some kind of freak.
[ What's happening to Sebastian's brain right now is something the kids call "blue screen"ing. Joseph is saying a lot of words and they're not what he was expecting at all and he's realizing, much slower than he should've, that they have once again been having somewhat parallel conversations without being on the same page at all.
There's a phrase or two that'll come back to him later, and he's not thinking about that right now, but he can swallow down that it isn't judgement, and the relief from that staggers him in a way he can't articulate. ]
What the hell, Joseph? [ quiet, exasperated, desperately fond. ]
The hell are you sorry for? [ he shakes his head. ]
Who you want to fuck is your business. And I think you've seen I don't have a stone to throw.
[ He's never really put it in so many words, and even now calling himself bisexual isn't familiar. But he sure as fuck isn't repulsed by the idea. ]
Because it's been 10 years, Seb. And you looked so surprised and... upset, maybe. I thought- it seemed like I was lying to you all along but I guess it really just never came up.
[Ah yes. The old Castellanos-Oda Conundrum. Two smart men, detectives, so busy reading into one another's every word and action that they fail to understand what the other is really saying.
Does he really have to phrase it like "who you want to fuck?" But Joseph does relax minutely when it turns out Sebastian isn't even upset about that. (Then what WAS he upset about? asks an urgent voice, now spinning out of pocket in the back of Joseph's head.)
He's right though. Joseph saw that very much. In intense detail. Which has been replaying in his subconscious constantly ever since.]
I admit, I was surprised to see you with another guy but I don't know why I was. We've never really been open about that kind of thing, but... You've always been so charismatic. [Joseph is operating on a very specific definition of "charismatic" here, but he clearly, absolutely believes this fact about his partner. God bless him.]
[ Ten years ago it would've been some kind of telling if Joseph had...confessed this to Seb. And he would've taken it in confidence and never told a soul. But all the same, from his deeply private partner, Sebastian hadn't even considered that this was something that would be eating at the man. ]
It's not like you had a good reason to tell me, right? I'm not upset. I'm— [ Not surprised, not upset, not confused, well, a little confused why this is what's been eating Joseph alive specifically— ] —Sorry this is why we're talking about it.
[ "This" being a fucking drugged up orgy of a party he barely remembers arriving to. He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, awkwardness and a phantom itch alike sparking the gesture as he chuckles to himself. Charismatic. The fuck, Joseph, of all people, you're supposed to know what words mean... ]
I'd never really...thought about it before. [ And yeah, he looks incredibly awkward about that confession, and attempts to shrug it off. ] But I guess that's...out.
It's not as though I thought you'd be angry or disapproving, nothing like that. [Sebastian isn't that kind of person.] I really didn't have any reason. Let's face it... [He says flatly, with no shortage of wry self-deprecation.] It certainly wasn't about to come up with regards to my personal life...
[He ends up chuckling too, offering Sebastian an awkward little smile of his own at the pun.]
Friends for ten years, and there's still things left to learn about ourselves, huh?
[Now comes the absolutely crushing problem that Joseph has no idea where the conversation goes from here, or if he had any point in bringing it up apart from just clearing the air.]
[ There might not have been a point beyond “clearing the air” but if it means they can breathe a little easier around each other, it was worth it. This wasn't the only barrier between them, just... the most recent one, far as Seb can tell. At least it could be cleared up by talking about it. Eventually. It's worth the introspection to see Joseph smile like that, even if it's just a little.
There wasn't much distance between them to begin with, but he closes it to set his hand gently on Joseph's shoulder, squeezes it a little more firmly than necessary, but not maliciously, and doesn't pull his hand back immediately. ]
It's a good thing, right? Little mystery to keep things interesting.
[ Evidence for the existence of God presents itself in the next moment as Sebastian takes the breath to jokingly say something he'd deeply, deeply regret the instant it was aloud, and manages to realize it before doing so. Instead he just squeezes Joseph's shoulder again. ]
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What do you mean by that? [He manages to ask very evenly, despite how ruffled he looks.] I was- I don't know if you even noticed, Seb, but I wasn't exactly upset watching you. Or after that when I-
[Yeah, he should probably be honest, but that bit of honesty feels a little too honest. Because now he's turning pink.]
I just- I can't believe it never came up but it's true, I guess I never told you that I'm-- bisexual. I'm sorry. I don't want you to think I'm some kind of freak.
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There's a phrase or two that'll come back to him later, and he's not thinking about that right now, but he can swallow down that it isn't judgement, and the relief from that staggers him in a way he can't articulate. ]
What the hell, Joseph? [ quiet, exasperated, desperately fond. ]
The hell are you sorry for? [ he shakes his head. ]
Who you want to fuck is your business. And I think you've seen I don't have a stone to throw.
[ He's never really put it in so many words, and even now calling himself bisexual isn't familiar. But he sure as fuck isn't repulsed by the idea. ]
no subject
[Ah yes. The old Castellanos-Oda Conundrum. Two smart men, detectives, so busy reading into one another's every word and action that they fail to understand what the other is really saying.
Does he really have to phrase it like "who you want to fuck?" But Joseph does relax minutely when it turns out Sebastian isn't even upset about that. (Then what WAS he upset about? asks an urgent voice, now spinning out of pocket in the back of Joseph's head.)
He's right though. Joseph saw that very much. In intense detail. Which has been replaying in his subconscious constantly ever since.]
I admit, I was surprised to see you with another guy but I don't know why I was. We've never really been open about that kind of thing, but... You've always been so charismatic. [Joseph is operating on a very specific definition of "charismatic" here, but he clearly, absolutely believes this fact about his partner. God bless him.]
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It's not like you had a good reason to tell me, right? I'm not upset. I'm— [ Not surprised, not upset, not confused, well, a little confused why this is what's been eating Joseph alive specifically— ] —Sorry this is why we're talking about it.
[ "This" being a fucking drugged up orgy of a party he barely remembers arriving to. He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, awkwardness and a phantom itch alike sparking the gesture as he chuckles to himself. Charismatic. The fuck, Joseph, of all people, you're supposed to know what words mean... ]
I'd never really...thought about it before. [ And yeah, he looks incredibly awkward about that confession, and attempts to shrug it off. ] But I guess that's...out.
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[He ends up chuckling too, offering Sebastian an awkward little smile of his own at the pun.]
Friends for ten years, and there's still things left to learn about ourselves, huh?
[Now comes the absolutely crushing problem that Joseph has no idea where the conversation goes from here, or if he had any point in bringing it up apart from just clearing the air.]
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There wasn't much distance between them to begin with, but he closes it to set his hand gently on Joseph's shoulder, squeezes it a little more firmly than necessary, but not maliciously, and doesn't pull his hand back immediately. ]
It's a good thing, right? Little mystery to keep things interesting.
[ Evidence for the existence of God presents itself in the next moment as Sebastian takes the breath to jokingly say something he'd deeply, deeply regret the instant it was aloud, and manages to realize it before doing so. Instead he just squeezes Joseph's shoulder again. ]
Come on. Let's get breakfast.